It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize