I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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