I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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