hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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