I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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