the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize