If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize