Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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