we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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