I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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