Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize