I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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