4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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