i just had sex bonerless
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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