He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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