Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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