I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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