So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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