she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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