Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize