it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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