But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
