you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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