yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize