I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize