GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
