So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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