Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize