why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize