I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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