my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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