Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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