You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize