I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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