piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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