i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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