I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dick very happy bro
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize