hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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