We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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