The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize