genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize