the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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