can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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