Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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