she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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