I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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