if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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