I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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