At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize