Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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