that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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