i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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